It’s been one year since we filmed the first video interviews that would become The Mama Sagas. One year.
When I think about that fact, I am at once shocked that a year has gone by so fast, and amazed at the ways my life has changed since then. In that year, I grew a baby bump, I started The Mama Sagas on a whim, and found myself in New York pitching the concept to TV executives, at 37 weeks pregnant. I had my first C section and delivered my second child. I got little to no sleep as I figured out how to care for a baby that wasn’t gaining weight and had perpetual airway issues. I sank into a scary place when sleep deprivation took it’s toll. I figured out how to mother two children at once, learned to survive bedtime, and learned that it’s ok if my toddler eats only yogurt and watches too much Doc McStuffins before bed if it means I keep my sanity. I started teaching at a new Pilates studio, and realized that teaching is a passion that is as much a part of me as my left big toe. I also realized teaching isn’t enough – I still have more to give. I started a fun little stint on local TV. I learned that having it all is really effing hard, even when you give your all every day. I learned that my heart is capable of expanding exponentially to accommodate the love for two small humans and their father, while it is also possible for my patience to decrease at the same rate. I learned that I am human, and I still have work to do to be the mom I want to be. And I learned that my house will never stay clean for more than 31 hours at any given time.
There have been many times in the past year when I felt like it was all just SO MUCH. Maybe too much? Maybe I was crazy. Maybe working and working out and then being mommy and keeping the house and walking the dog and then blogging at 10:00 at night after everyone had gone to bed was too much. I needed to start meditating. I needed to read more books. I needed to remember my family’s birthdays. I needed to take a nap. I needed to do ALL THE THINGS. And sometimes I was successful. During those times my inner rock star would emerge into the imaginary spotlight, arms outstretched, chest puffed up, and the crowd of voices in my mind would chant my name. And then, just as I hit my stride, someone would get sick, and like dominoes, each one of us would go down in a blaze of germy glory. Next thing you know it’s two weeks later and I am dropping balls all over the place, swimming against the current and just trying to survive, let alone build a dream.
And so it goes, back and forth, like this. All the time. All year long.
Today I had a quick meeting of the minds with an acquaintance who has some insight into media. We sat at our Starbucks table by the window and drank our drinks and talked about my next steps with The Mama Sagas. …In full disclosure, I’m still trying to figure out what those specific steps might be. I am at a crossroads, and waiting for the answers to evolve, to emerge. Here’s what I know for sure: I love that I have built a platform for women to share their stories, to find some answers, to laugh it off, to feel less isolated. I know that this information is needed, that this community is needed. I know that this whole project started because I felt like I didn’t know anything at all.. and I know I’m not the only one.
And at the end of the rambling conversation, after I brain-dumped all the questions that rattle around in my head every day, after I unloaded the weight of my own heavy expectations, she said to me,
I understand your questions. But don’t let it stop you. Just keep doing the thing that made you start in the first place. Doing the Thing is the most important and the hardest, isn’t it? Just Do the Thing.
And that was exactly what I needed to hear.
Building The Mama Sagas is what keeps me excited, gives me a sense of purpose, of possibility. It’s the project that makes my heart sing, that fulfills me and makes me more than just someone’s mom, it makes me ME. I don’t know what it will become, or how it will evolve. But it is my THING and I’m DOING IT.
I hope you all find your Thing. And chase it, with all your heart. Even just one step, each day, in the direction of your dreams is enough. Don’t wait to perfect your craft, don’t wait until you have a plan, don’t wait until you get approval, don’t wait until you have the money. Don’t wait. Your life can’t wait. Do the Thing. The world is waiting.