Motherhood is harder than I thought it would be.

I had always dreamed about getting married and having kids but the whole thing is harder than I thought it would be.  At times, having kids brings out a side of me that I don’t want to see.  

I just gave birth to my second child, and honestly, it’s all a blur.

Dealing with 2-year-old night terrors and tantrums while caring for a new baby on lack of sleep dictates my mood.

The tantrums are hard.  They have caused a lot of fights with my husband and I.  The night terrors, especially, have been very hard to handle.  They are hard to watch, and we as a family all lose sleep. What’s worse, my husband and I fight over the smallest things, probably because we are getting no sleep. 

The night terrors are exhausting and sad to deal with. They just suck.

My 2-and-a-half year old will go to sleep just fine. But in the middle of the night, she will all of a sudden break out into a scream or cry and kick for no apparent reason. My husband believes that she is still sleeping when she does this all, as her eyes are closed. Personally, I believe she is awake. She will hit me or kick me and I have to tread softly as I don’t know if the episode will last a long time. I have had to deal with it sometimes by the following jesters: cajoling her, rocking her to sleep, walking away, or giving her a consequence that if she gets out of the bed, then we will go in time out. Who does time out in the middle of the night? She definitely understands me then, and then she will stay in bed. I have had to make some hard decisions to create a routine. The kicking and screaming part is what gets to me as I just don’t know why it happens.

When she is awake, she is a happy child and is always smiling. But at night she is tough, and knows what she wants. It’s wild to watch.

The night terrors are loud enough where they have woken up the baby.  That crying is in my ears. I feel like I am constantly hearing it.  It’s very disturbing.  

It pains me to see her this way. She doesn’t remember anything in the morning; I don’t expect her to.  Before going to sleep, we try to have the same routine for the most part but it does get messed up during the week if I am teaching or my husband is traveling.  This has been happening even before baby 2 came along.  It’s still a thing and we have no idea how to handle it or help her change this pattern of hers.

The terrors take a toll on me and I worry a lot about them.  I wonder when will they end. They set me off on the wrong foot and I have to remind myself this is temporary.  I’ve learned that I need to have more patience. I need to believe and constantly remind myself that everything is going to be ok, otherwise I would be sitting in a pile of unhappiness, and that’s not me. 

And on top of it all, the hair loss… it’s been tough to watch all my hair fall out. It makes me cry everyday. The hormonal changes postpartum are insane. Day by day, I just remind myself to keep breathing and have faith that all will be ok. 

If I could have one do-over, I would hire part-time help from the beginning.

I think help is necessary for many reasons: 1) for my own sanity, 2) for my marriage, 3) for my kids to also get used to someone else besides me.

Despite the challenge of the tantrums and night terrors, it excites me to see my girl have a strong personality. I want to see her rule the world one day. She has no fear. I want to do things that I have never done before because of her energy. 

Being married and motherhood has definitely been challenging for me. But I am determined to find peace with it; it’s something for me to look forward too.  It’s a job everyday.

After a long day full of a lot to handle, my oldest daughter will put her hand on my face and say, “Mummy.” It makes my heart melt, and reminds me that though this stage is hard, it will all be worth it.

Sarina Jain
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Coined as the "Indian Jane Fonda," Sarina Jain is the creator of the original Masala Bhangra® dance series. She successfully moves, touches and inspires many people around the world with her knowledge and passion for Bhangra and Bollywood. Recognized as a global game changer, Sarina is the first to bring Indian dance to the US fitness industry.  She has 15 workout videos under her belt with Masala Bhangra® classes offered in over 15 countries around the world. In 2019, she will be celebrating 19 years of the inception of Masala Bhangra®! An AFAA certified fitness instructor for over 25 years, she teaches classes ranging from step aerobics, total body conditioning, and many more.  She has dedicated her life to helping others find their healthy way to a more positive way of living.